Brennatori 0 Report Share Posted December 11, 2004 Hello everyone. I am an AD at an assisted living community that focuses on memory care. There are several problems I am confronted with, 1) I have a resident who absolutley hates me!! She says the activities are childish and she wants better activities. (she is the only one that says this) She will be nice to my face and then find the next caregiver and report that she wants me fired, that I am a rotten person etc. etc. My executive director is well aware of her behavior and says to ignore it becasue her disease is progressing. The problem is I have worked in memory care communities and yes you get the occassional mean comment or something but they do not remember. This resident does it EVERY day and ALL day long. I even tried to apologize and say that we started off on the wrong foot. She said she just did not like me. That bothers me, but not as much as her coercing the other residents to try to stay away from the activities. This bothers me because they all enjoy the activities they come to, but this resident will stand outside the room and tell the residents coming in that these are childish activities and that no one should do them etc, etc. So how owuld I handle this in a professional manner? It is really driving me bonkers? I have only been at this new job a couple of weeks but I am really discouraged. It is not fun having to deal with his on a daily basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy 0 Report Share Posted December 11, 2004 Did this resident like the person who was there before you? Did you change the activities, or are they the same activities being offered from before? Maybe she views you as pushing the other director out. Have she told you what activities she wants? Maybe there is someone else that she likes who can change the way she views you. Do the other residents like this lady? Do they listen to her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pat8231 Report Share Posted December 11, 2004 Hi Brennatori, I don't think you should worry too much about it. But, I would report it each time she does something that bothers you or the other residents. Where I use to work we had to document such behavior to keep a close watch on the resident's mental health. We had a resident like that both verbally at first then physically abusive. Got so bad that the administrator, AD, DON had to tell her family. They were in total denial that she did anything at all, "NOT my mother"!! Finally, the DON had to tell the family that she needed to leave because it was causing major problems for the other residents who lived there. They moved her out to another facility. When anyone new comes into any establishment there are bound to be problems with disliking this or that about them. Just go about your business and smile at her every chance you get. Maybe a kind word and a smile might just melt her down. Other than that just report things because you never know her mental health status might just be declining more rapidly and that would help the DON be aware of it. Pat 8-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest_Kristas_MoM Report Share Posted December 12, 2004 I would definitely want to get to the root of that...that way you can both enjoy activities..you providing and she (as well as the other residents) receiving. Here's what I would do. Ask her if you could have some private time with her. Bring her something she may enjoy..depending on diet maybe she would like some cookies or just a cup of coffee...make that effort. Sit with her and ASK her what it is that is causing her to feel this way. I think she may be frank with you. If she is, ask her what you can do to work on that together. Does she have family? Perhaps, talk to her family. Ask them what they would suggest. Tell them you would really enjoy having her participate in the programs and ask them for suggestions. Maybe even during careplans if she is present and her family is present...bring it up...I'm not sure if you have careplans in assissted living facilities. But, it might be helpful. Anyway, please let us all know how it works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pennie 26 Report Share Posted December 12, 2004 Hi, My heart goes out to you. I had a similar problem w/ a res. The bad news is it never went away. The good news was that we made a silent truce for shorth period of time, several times over. The truce was done by me finding something for her to do. She needed to have something that made her feel useful &/or in control. But after a while she would get to big for her britches & creat problems for me, my staff & res. So I would have to take the job away from her. I spoke w/ her family and tey said she was this way her whole life. :-x Read her chart see what kind of disease she has, meds taking, likes in hobbies etc.. see if you can shed some light on this & provide some sort of act. for her. She could be doing this because you are new and she may not like changes or she may be testing you. Be sure to document her behavior constatnly. Speak to the nurses, nurse aides, social worker etc. see what they know about her. How come your exc. director is not stepping in & helping w/ this prob? It is effecting more that just you. The one thing I like about having a res. like her is that I see them as a challenge. I am determine to win them over, they keep me on my toes. Best of is that we are Activity Professionals and we are very creative, stubborn & resourceful when we need to be. Hang in there & let us know what's going on. Also come here to vent, believe there will be days that you will need to or else blow up :idea: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brennatori 0 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2004 Thank you guys for responding. I have asked this resident several times what she wants to do and have explained that we will indeed do them (we have done some of her activity suggestions and are planning to go to the opera, museums etc.) She herself is actually a new resident but came from an extremely weathly/social family with lots of power and ladies hung on her every word. The facility I started working at has only been open two years an dhas had a number of directors. I am about the fifth one. They had a great one for a year and a half and then they went through three and then me. The previous three stayed for about ttwo weeks. So I am walking into a community where the residents are discouraged as it is, but at the same time, having someone repeat that yo suck, does not help. I am also finishing out a schedule that was made in advance of my arrival. So I am trying. Thank you for the help!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanessa 0 Report Share Posted December 14, 2004 I have found that asking the resident to help and take a more active "assistant" role has helped me in those situations. I have asked residents for their advice and their assistance. It makes them feel special, needed and important. I have come to enjoy some special friendships that started out rocky through this approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ActivityGirl Report Share Posted December 15, 2004 :-) Wow...I can't believe how similar our situations are. I have had the SAME exact problem. Out lives are almost identical. I just recently started as the activity director at my facility in mid-October. At first all was fine and them BAM. I'm the wicked witch of the west. Nothing I did was ever right. In our facility bingo is the ultimate sport. It's almost lethal!!! At first I couldn't call the numbers right, then I tried to convince them to play the game correctly instead of cheating like they do. (they play 3 games on a card before clearing it off so they can win more prizes). I told them we were going to change it because we have a sister facility just down the street that they use to play bingo with occasionally, but they play the correct way. At that facility there are 45+ residents who play bingo. At mine there are about 10-12 who like to play. No one else will play because of how nasty the others are! So I said we were changing our ways since we were smaller in numbers. Well I almost got burned on the front lawn of the facility for that attempted change. There was one paticular resident who has a wingman thats almost as bad as her. Those two made my life a honest to god living hell for a while. If they knew I was doing an activity instead of my assistant they wouldn't come. The wingman always said everything was to grade school oriented and blah blah blah. I litterally was ready to pull my hair out. Then it got so bad they started going to the head administrator and telling her how awful I am and how I don't do anything right. So we had to have a special activities meeting so they could all say what they thought. Thank god the admin. is on my side. She said they could have the meeting but was not to be a bash session on me. I tell ya what. I used the old saying. "Kill them with Kindness" No matter how nasty they were to me, I was so nice it would choke you. A few days before the meeting I was working late and the main lady that hated my guts was walking by the office door and I said good night to her. Well she kept walking for a sec and then turned around and came back. She then apologized to me for how we got off on the wrong foot. I simply kept it short and sweet and said it was okay and then things like that always work out. A few days later at the suppose to be awful activity meeting she was defending me on how no one had given me a fair chance. So far so good! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all is well for my next activity meeting. You have to accept you can't please everyone and just keep doing what your doing. I had to learn the hard way that once residents reach a certain age they almost regress to a childlike maturity. Change is very difficult for them. They got use to the ways of someone else and them wham here you are. I was doing pretty much the same activities as they were before, but just in my own fashion and they freaked, but just keep your head up and push on because they will eventually accept you and if they don't their loss because I'm sure you are doing a great job!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana 0 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 Hi Activity Girl, Welcome to our site! Hope you'll stick around. You are right, the last thing any AD wants to do right away is change Bingo rules!!!! Especially not within the first 2 to 3 months of working at a new facility! Bingo is so serious! WE almost had our Resident Council President "fired" over a Bingo game incident. She is now being replaced in January! It was at that time that after three and a half years we put together new rules to Bingo that are now posted in English and Spanish for all to see, and individual copies made out for anyone to read on their own. Give yourself some time to win over a few key residents who will put in a good word for you with the other residents. There will be some that you simply WON'T win over. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are there to serve, not necessarily be everyone's friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niquee11 0 Report Share Posted January 14, 2005 Hi Brennatori! I feel for you and agree with everyone else. I too work for an assisted living home for memory care in NY. If your company is the same as mine, they encourage residents to lead programs. If your "feisty" friend believes that all the programs are childish, have a tea social with her and ask her for her input in leading a program she finds would be suitable for everyone. Possibly engaging her in her own life skill tasks will decrease the time she has to discourage peers from attending programs. If she feels that it's a personal thing, then maybe you could ask a staff member to try and work with her. Good luck! and I hope you're still hanging in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woorlynn 0 Report Share Posted January 16, 2005 document everything she says to you, inform social services of behavior and its possible she may need a pysch consult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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